My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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