if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
