Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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