Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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