I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sorry about my life...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
