What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
