evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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