i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
