Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
