Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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