True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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