i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
