You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
