I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
