I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
