I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
