2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
