im drinking this country out of the recession.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
