He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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