The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
