I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
