I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
