Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
