I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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