Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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