You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
