I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
