u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
