perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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