I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
