Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
