Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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