what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
