I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
