Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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