Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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