omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So vagazzling was a success
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
