"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
