tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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