Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
