I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
