I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sext me about skeletons
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
