I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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