i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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