woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
