I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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