I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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