Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
