if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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