I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
