soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
