is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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