1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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