the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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